In a lot of ways the last three years have gone quickly. You grow and change so swiftly that often you get up in the morning and Daddy and I comment that you’ve somehow transformed yet again in your sleep.
But in other ways the last three years have been the longest of my life. It’s not generally considered “normal” for a mum to say that but I’m saying it. I think and say a lot of things that other mothers don’t.
Much as you have changed in three years I have changed too. Transformed, like a butterfly. At least I hope I’ve turned into something more beautiful. The person I was before you were born is nothing but a blurry memory now. I can hardly remember how she felt or what she thought about or how she reacted to life. I have spent the last three years violently renovating how I think and sometimes I can only remember the new me. I think this is a good thing. I’m fairly certain I’m stronger and better.
The last three years have been a personal journey for me but, more importantly, they have been a journey for us too. You have changed me a great deal and taught me so much. I was so unwell after you were born and I tried so hard to make sure it never affected you and I. I worry about that sometimes but then I take a good look at you, and how you and I are together, and I know we’re just fine.
You are growing into such a bright, funny and loving boy. You are so affectionate which everybody loves because your cuddles can make a bad day melt away. Grandad says you are therapy and I know exactly what he means.
You love puzzles, cars, Play Doh and painting. You love Hungry Hippos (even though you cheat) and you love all animals. You love your grandparents and aunts & uncles so, so much – it makes my heart swell with pride. You have so much affection for your cousins and friends. You are sociable and silly and full of energy. You get so wonderfully excited by the simplest things. You come out with words and expressions every single day that make me burst out with surprised laughter.
You are also exhausting and demanding. I often can’t keep up with your constant demands for snacks and attention. You defy me often and whine when you can’t have what you want and sometimes that is just too much for Mummy and Daddy. My patience wears thin and I wonder how I’ll get through another hour.
The difference between now and when you were first here is that I know I will get through it. I know that a parent’s strength, energy and patience are apparently limitless. We hit the bottom and yes sometimes we cry, or shout or have to hide away for a few minutes, but in the end we take a deep breath, steady ourselves and reach even deeper to find even more reserves. Or we admit defeat and put CBeebies on while we recharge ourselves a little.
Daddy and I aren’t perfect, and sometimes we feel bad about that. But you don’t care. You love us as we are. You have seen us lose our tempers, you have seen us bribe you, you have seen us give in. But you’re still a good kid. You’re still growing into this adorable, hilarious, clever little boy and that makes me so proud – of you, and also of ourselves.
Because no matter how many buttons you press, or how stressful you make our day, when we’ve completed 50 bedtime rituals and you’re finally tucked up under your quilt you reach out and pull me close and squeeze your little arm around me so hard everything feels right in my world. And I know I’ll have the strength for another day.
Happy 3rd Birthday, Little Caterpillar. Continue to learn and laugh and love. Continue to help me spread my butterfly wings. Continue to teach me how to be a mother.
38 comments on “Three”
What a lovely post! And I don’t think I’ve read your blog before so thanks to #bestandworst I’ve found a new blogger! 🙂 I’ll go over and follow you on social media!
Excellent, thanks. Hope you enjoy the others too. Thanks for reading x
Aww such a lovely post and one I think most of us parents will ‘get’. Happy 3rd birthday Little Caterpillar!
Mess and Merlot recently posted…Beauty and The Brainbox
I hope so, thanks for reading x
Thus is such a beautiful letter and I can tell it has genuinely come from your heart. Happy 3rd Birthday to your little caterpillar 🙂
Thank you xxx
How lovely! It must be strange remembering before, as I struggle and H is only 16 months I love letters like this x #bestandworst
New Mummy Blog recently posted…#WickedWednesdays – Monkey climbing
Thank you, glad you liked it x
This is so lovely and honest. So easy to focus on the good things and pretend everything is fine, when actually we all have ups and downs.
My daughter’s 18 months and I’ve never laughed so much as wth her, but I’ve equally never been as frustrated at times. A very good friend of mine said that, with kids, the highs are higher than any high and the lows can be lower than any lows. I see what she means and keep thinking that there will be fewer lows as ahe gets older and, by goodness, do the highs make up for it a hundredfold. Happy birthday to your gorgeous cuddly boy. Xx
Your friend is so right, couldn’t agree more. Thanks for reading x
How gorgeous, such a heartfelt post. It really does fly by! Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
Helen Gandy recently posted…Best and Worst Linky #47
Thank you x
I love this, I wrote letters like these to my son when he was little, nd to my daughter too! My mom wrote them to me, trust me they mean a ton when you are grown up!
Oh that’s lovely, they must be great to read now. Thanks for commenting X
Aww I love this. The sentiment is beautiful. It is exhausting and you can’t imagine the time before having children … you do grow … and I’m sure in to something very beautiful! A beautiful piece of writing and a beautiful memory for your boy and you #FamilyFun
Thanks so much for reading and for your kind words x
Such a lovely and well written post. Very moving 🙂 #stayclassy
Emma recently posted…How to get happy now!
Thank you x
What a lovely letter to your son. As parents, we can occasionally feel like we’re not getting it right, but our children love us and become wonderful human beings anyway. And we manage to get through the tough times, even though sometimes it feels like we won’t – and we’re all the better for it. #FamilyFun
Squirmy Popple recently posted…Why parents (and their babies, but mostly the parents) need libraries
Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for reading and commenting x
This is a lovely letter and something I can completely relate to. Happy birthday to your little man xx #familyfun
Thank you! x
I really applaud your honesty in this post and I am so glad you have come out of the lat 3 years feeling so much stronger and ready to face the challenges parenthood inevitably does throw at all of us. There is no such thing as a perfect parent! TY for linking up to #FamilyFun
An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…Family Fun #14
Agreed! I consider myself a Good Enough mum and that’s just fine 😀 Thanks for commenting x
Ahhh what a lovely post and your photos are so gorgeous. It’s amazing how our little ones can shape who we are. Thanks for linking up to #FamilyFun
Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#FamilyFun Linky
They absolutely can, and it’s something you can’t know until it happens X Thanks for commenting x
Happy birthday little one. Such a lovely heartfelt post. I love the challenges and that they are overcome. Motherhood does change a woman. #familyfun
Thank you xxx
This is so, so, so sweet! Love it. : ) Especially the part about how his cuddles are therapy. I can’t wait until my little one is three and has more of a personality, this letter makes me excited for those times (instead of fearing the terrible twos!). Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!
It’s hard work for SURE but he’s crazy personality makes up for it a lot xxx
I love this post, so so lovely! I feel like this about my son, who is almost three. He has really changed me, I have changed so much – I feel like a better, stronger person because of him. Great post #stayclassy
It’s surprising how much they teach us when you’d think it would be the other way round, isn’t it? Thanks for reading and commenting x
Aww lovely post. Happy 3rd Birthday!
Erica Price recently posted…The Silver Medal
Thank you! X
What a lovely analogy and happy 3rd birthday
Coombe Mill – Fiona recently posted…Padstow Tide Times for 2nd May 2016
Thank you x
Happy third birthday to your little man! The time really flies by so fast doesn’t it? None of us are perfect parents – there is definitely no such thing. We can just do the best we can each day. Meeting the demands definitely isn’t easy! Thanks so much for linking up with us at #bloggerclubuk
Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…Candid Cuddles 49
The demands are real trials! But he is also a lot of fun at the mo so we have balance of a sort lol! Thanks for reading and commenting x