A recent Instagram snap of Victoria Beckham kissing her daughter has reignited the row originally begun by Dr Charlotte Reznick last year about whether it is inappropriate to kiss your child on the lips. I was enraged by this back then and continue to be now.
I’m not a helicopter parent, or an attachment parent. In fact, I consider myself quite strong in my views that children should be encouraged to be as independent as possible. I do my utmost not to smother my son in any way. However, I love him with a fierceness that makes resisting kissing him, on the lips and all over frankly, virtually impossible.
Before Dr Reznick’s article I had never once considered the moral implication of kissing him on the lips and why would I? It’s something that comes completely and utterly natural to us. When I first heard of this so-called debate I had to actually pause to consider whether I did it or not, it was that much of a non-issue. But once again an apparent “expert” has brought such a lovely, innocent thing under the microscope.
My son is three. At what point, according to some, has he become too old to kiss on the lips? Is it okay to kiss babies on the lips but not five year olds? And why is this the business of anyone else besides the parents and child? Too much of our parenting is under scrutiny these days as it is but this is probably the most extreme topic I’ve seen dissected so far.
This is especially poignant to me. I’ve written before about my fears regarding bonding and attachment during Caterpillar’s early months of life and my questions about whether I loved him enough thanks to my emotional state being damaged by PND. I recovered and that love grew, and continues to grow every single day, and if I want to celebrate this fact by being affection with him then I absolutely will. I spent too long in pain not to.
This “debate” is simply an example of sensationalism and hypersensitivity at its worst. It deeply saddens me that we now live in a society so damaged by the genuinely abhorrent crimes that do take place, we have instead cast a dark shadow on one of the simplest acts of love you can show a child. There are no words for the horror of real child abuse and I believe muddying the waters with this rubbish actually detracts from the real issue, and the wonderful work being done to try to prevent crimes against children.
I don’t kiss my own parents on the lips now so obviously at some point during later childhood or adolescence the act of kissing on the lips naturally faded out. So natural in fact that neither I nor them can remember how or when this stopped. Why? Because it is a non-issue.
At the moment my son is still really affectionate and I’m going to revel in that for as long as possible because, as with all little boys, there is going to come a time when he no longer wants kisses and cuddles from his parents. In the meantime I will continue to kiss my son on the lips until he tells me not to.
If it doesn’t feel right for you to do this then don’t. As with all parenting issues, you must only do what feels right and natural to you. But please refrain from judging others and don’t project your own issues onto those around you.
37 comments on “I Kiss My Son On The Lips & I Don’t Care Who Knows It”
Absolutely agree, and thank you for writing this. There’s always one who tries to spoil innocent things. We love and we love fiercely and purely. My son is now almost 20, and we don’t kiss on the lips. I know for a fact, however, that we did, and at what age that disappeared neither of us can recall. My daughter is 3, and both of us kiss her on the lips; our love for her holds no bounds, and neither does her love for us. We lost her for a year due to my PND, and expressing our love for her through this simple act of affection is still something I will never take for granted.
For goodness sake, primates kiss each other on the lips purely for affection!
I’m sorry you went through that ordeal with your daughter and so pleased you are well and back together now xxx Thanks for reading x
I totally agree. I kiss both my boys on the lips (they are nearly 7 and 4) and I think my husband does too but as you say it’s a non-issue so I’m not 100% sure! What a shame that someone has made such an issue of it x
Blogfox14 recently posted…Achievement
Totally agree! I have 3 daughters and I was completely bemused by the fuss about this photo! I kissed all three of them on the lips and would still kiss my 10 year old in this way. My older daughters are 14 and 18 and I would not do it to them, although we still have a cuddle. Really great post. #Sharewithme
Great posts- I also kiss my girls on the lips and continue to do so for as long as they are happy with it, I no longer kiss my parents on the lips but I still always kiss them to greet them. #bloggerclubuk
I kiss all my children on the lips, and see no problem with it. I get that there are some people that don’t and may not understand it, but they don’t need to ruin it for every one else. #sharewithme #bloggerclubuk
“There are no words for the horror of real child abuse and I believe muddying the waters with this rubbish actually detracts from the real issue” I couldn’t agree with this statement more. So many children are abused or neglected and now they’re being ‘loved too much’ too. I kiss my son on the lips (he’s 2) and will continue to do so until he asks me not to. I shall not be made to feel bad for showing affection to my child.
Coffee & Bubbles recently posted…Quinoa Cakes
I can’t imagine there are parents that didn’t kiss their little ones on the lips, It must be people that don’t have kids and can’t remember the experience themselves that have commented negatively. I know a few adults that still kiss their parents on the lips and I still think it’s fine #bestamdworst
So agree hun. It is ridiculous! I wonder if people are just bored or really sad?!
I would never have thought anything of the picture either. Fair dos if it makes you feel funny but don’t judge and be mean to others! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap recently posted…Best and Worst Week #57
I 100% agree with everything you have written here. I kiss my boy on the lips (he’s nearly 3) and he is happy for me to do so. He is so affectionate and loving and there is no way I am not making the most of that, one day he won’t want kisses from me anymore and that’s fine. Until that day though I will continue to smother him in kisses and so what if some of those are on the lips? Some people just like to make an issue over things that really aren’t that big a deal.xx #bestandworst
I am totally with you that it is a non-issue 100% I was angry and sad to see the VB comments. I kiss all four of my children on the lips. They are 22 months, 3, 8 and 9 – they are fine with that and so am I. Thanks for linking to #sharewithme
I can’t believe her kissing her little girl is such an issue. As you said so well in your post, it’s innocent and something that will go later. If anything, it just shows a loving parent! When are people going to stop judging parents? #SharingtheBlogLove #coolmumclub #ablogginggoodtime
the frenchie mummy recently posted…A mummy ticks so many boxes
This sentence absolutely nailed it for me!
we have instead cast a dark shadow on one of the simplest acts of love you can show a child.
Spot on. It’s nobody else’s business other than yours and your child’s I recently wrote a piece entitled why I don’t kiss my son as I was feeling judged for not kissing. I wish people would just mind their own business!!! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…A Blogging Good Time #7
I absolutely agree with you. I see nothing unusual about kissing your kids on the lips. My son is 4 and we often do it. It’s just another demonstration of parent-child affection. Why do people discuss this in the first place? What’s wrong with their own minds to relate such a beautiful gesture to some kind of immorality? #SharingtheBlogLove
Marina Ilieva recently posted…“Mummy, Where Do We Live?”
Really well said – it’s a totally ridiculous issue being made into an issue when it has no place to be! I love your comment at the end about doing what is right for you – what feels right for you #Coolmumclub
justsayingmum recently posted…Losing My Boy To The Teenage Years
Totally agree! It’s just an expression of love and no child has ever been harmed by being loved too much! As long as the child is happy with it and your not cajoling and guilting them into it, but that goes for any kind of physical contact in my opinion not just kissing on the lips. Great post xx
Louise | Squished Blueberries recently posted…Our Tips for an enjoyable (for everyone) Just for Tots week at Butlins
Oops forgot to say #sharingthebloglove
Kissing is important! It is natural! This whole thing with Victoria and Harper is utterly ridiculous. Well done you and carry on #ablogginggoodtime
Nadia – ScandiMummy x
Completely agree. People be crazy! I really don’t see why it has caused this huge amount of outrage.
My son is 6 and he would kiss me on the lips and I would him too. This is something that I enjoy now as I know when he grows up I would hardly get any! Those people who has problems with it should worry about other things as there are far more serious things that needs to be research on like cures to illnesses!
This is such a lovely read =)
Merlinda Little ( @pixiedusk) recently posted…Point Of View
How can an act of love, one so natural and normal, cause this debate? What a totally crazy thing. I agree with all of this, it’s a great post. I kiss my kids on the lips all of the time!! #ablogginggoodtime
I blogged about this at the time too, and I don’t see anything wrong in it at all either! #bestandworst
Crummy Mummy recently posted…Poor Sam Cam
I love this post- there is no right or wrong way, simply what feels right for you and your child. I just take the lead from my little girl because how weird it would be if she wanted to kiss me on the lips and I was like….errrrr…no! a world of insecurities would open! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xxx
Yep, we’re #teamlips in this house – utter nonsense, some people just get a kick out of putting others down. Says a lot about them that they looked at that photo and saw anything other than a loving mummy kissing her little princess. x #ablogginggoodtime
Mess and Merlot recently posted…Shove your spiralizer – I’m older and wiser
It’s disgusting how the smallest display of affection towards a child can be sexualised. It was simply a mother kissing her child. Again it’s a case of people parent shaming. I don’t see anything wrong with the kiss. #ablogginggoodtime
Sarah – Mum & Mor recently posted…Of Love and Warcraft: How I Met My Boyfriend
Very well said – I find it really sad that affection in the family can be seen as “weird” or “wrong”. It actually makes me sad for the world I am bringing my daughter into. I don’t see anything wrong with it either and I agree that if it does make you uncomfortable then just don’t do it. #bestandworst
Go ahead a kiss those sweet baby lips!! I don’t feel there is anything wrong with it, but I know some people do. Followed your link on #ablogginggoodtime
I totally agree. I don’t generally go to kiss N on the lips, but he will quite happily plant a smacker on mine, and I love that he’s still so affectionate
Extremely well written, the whole thing. I just can’t understand the human species anymore, really I can’t. As you say, it is just a non issue…and yet look what an issue it’s been turned into. Unreal. #coolmumclub
Totally agree with this – I’m amazed that the whole Victoria Beckham has erupted into such a thing! Sometimes it feels like the media are just out to get you as parents. It’s a completely natural thing – if you’re happy and comfortable with it as a parent, what does it matter to anyone else? Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
Katy – Hot Pink Wellingtons recently posted…Sharing the Blog Love #3
I had never thought about this before but actually whilst we kiss and hug a lot in our family there isn’t any lip on lip kissing – this has not been a conscious decision it just hasn’t happened – mine are now 17 and 13. At the end of the day it is everyone’s right to do exactly as they like and the most important thing is that you are demonstrating your love to your child in whatever way you choose and it is no-one else’s business. A great read. #sharewithme
Couldn’t agree more, I was shocked by what people were saying about Victoria Beckhams photo. It was a beautiful moment between mum and daughter that she shared because she was proud to be her mummy. I can’t imagine not kissing my girls on the lips, I love it when they pucker up their little lips. Thank you for joining us for #SharingtheBlogLove Laura X
Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…My Girls…July
the whole thing is absurd. I kiss my five year old daughter on the lips and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. #blogginggoodtime
jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Training for Tantrums
My son is nearly four and due to his Autism he very rarely likes to be cuddled and kissed but when he does I gladly kiss him on the lips and will do for as long as he’ll allow me to. I don’t care what anyone says, those kisses are so rare & precious I’m holding on to them x #abloggingoodtime
I’m completely with you on this. My son is 3yo and only earlier in the week he came over and gave me a cuddle, went to walk off, came back and said “and a kiss mummy” and he kissed me on my lips. It’s not something that happens very often and really, would some people suggest I turn my head so he gets my cheek? What kind of message would this give him? Like you have said, I will put money on the fact he won’t be doing it when he’s 18 or when he’s 8 I”m sure! #coolmumclub
I couldn’t agree with you more. I was totally enraged when all the hype started around the VB photo – I meant to write a post about it myself but didn’t get around to it. There is so much more going on in the world that we really should care about, but mothers showing affection to their children is really not one of them. As you say, how they can take something completely innocent and turn it into a ‘debate’ is beyond me – total sensationalism. Great post #coolmumclub
Completely. It’s truly ridiculous. Thanks for reading x