I have learnt a great deal about mental health, and it’s stigma, since I began this blogging and advocacy journey. Shamefully, I had many misconceptions before experiencing mental illness myself and I now fight to correct these in others. However, there is one question I remain asking which may well be frowned upon even by my fellow advocates; can you think yourself well?
One of the worst misconceptions about depression and anxiety is that the sufferer ‘brings it on themselves’ and should simply ‘snap out of it’. The theory that we can talk ourselves out of our depression is a very tricky concept as we don’t want to feed the stigma that mental illness is somehow our fault. But my own recovery teaches me that thinking positivity and learning to drag ourselves out of our illness are in fact really powerful tools that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Let me start off with a few facts:
- Mental illness is not the fault of the sufferer
- Mental illness is just that – an illness
- Depression is not the same as ‘feeling a bit low’
- You can’t help an anxiety sufferer by saying “You don’t have anything to worry about”
- Doctors believe that many cases of depression are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain and require medication to cure
Despite this, I honestly believe that a change of attitude and thought training can help cure anxiety and depression. After all, that’s what therapy is, right? It’s true that during the chronic, early stages of depression medication is often required to get our minds to a place where they are more receptive to a new outlook, and this is likely what happened with me, but recovery is a long process for many and the hard work continues long after the drugs have done all they can do.
My recovery was made up of many different turning points – the moment I asked for help, the moment I finally slept for five full hours, the moment I realised I loved my son etc, but one that always sticks in my mind is the day I realised that I was keeping myself ill. Several weeks into treatment I was getting ready to leave the house (as I couldn’t bear to be home alone with my son) and I could feel the begins of a panic attack. I was in a terrible, self-pitying hell at that minute. I was scared of the anxiety attacks, I was bitter that I wasn’t experiencing motherhood in a normal way and I was angry that I’d been afflicted by mental illness.
I was lying on my bed, crying, feeling at one of my lowest points and struggling to see a way out, when suddenly a thought hit me. I was choosing to feel this way. No, I hadn’t chosen to become ill in the first place, PND wasn’t my fault, however, in that moment I was choosing to feel sorry for myself. I was choosing to lay on my bed and dwell on the fact that I felt so awful, that I had to take tablets now, that I didn’t love my new life.
I suddenly realised I had a really distinct choice. I could continued to ruminate all day on these negative thoughts. Or I could start accepting what was happening, re-engage in the world and try to focus on something else.
I got up, dried my eyes and grabbed the scrawled, dog-eared notebook that had been my closest companion for the past few weeks. I wrote four words:
Don’t dwell, just do.
I got up and said it over and over in the mirror. Don’t dwell, just do. Don’t dwell on this horrible illness and how dreadful you feel, just get outside, get with other people and do something with your day. Anything. Anything but thinking about how horrendous you still feel.
Don’t dwell, just do.
Was I instantly cured? Of course not. I still felt shocking for the coming weeks and months. But I definitely felt a shift in attitude during that moment, and I ended the day feeling better than I did when I started it. Subsequently, I used those words over and over to remind myself that I had the power to make my situation more bearable.
Since that day, and reinforced by many therapy sessions, I’ve come to realise the true power of positive thinking. I used to be a very glass-half-empty kinda gal and thought ‘positive mental attitude’ was nothing but a buzzphrase for hippies. But it’s not. I came to realise that the connection between your thoughts and your emotions is very strong – I figured out that just as my unpleasant emotions lead to awful thoughts, I could use positive thoughts to feel more positive emotions.
Here’s an example. I was struggling with clinical grade anxiety, right? So every morning I would wake up feeling dread in my stomach and with a head full of unwanted intrusive thoughts. I would be thinking “Oh God, another day feeling terrible. How can I carry on like this? This is so unfair.” With lots of practice, I would stop that thought and instead force myself to think “I may feel anxious today but nevermind. Some really good things might happen too and I might start to feel better,” Although I didn’t yet believe the second thought I compared how they both made me feel. The first thought made me feel physically sick, scared and sad. The second thought made me feel lighter and marginally more hopeful. So, I figured I’d keep telling myself the positive thought because at least it made that moment a little more bearable.
We often hear the phrase ‘fake it ’til you make it’ and that’s essentially what I did. I began each day, or each minute, forcing my brain to think a positive thought, despite the cynic inside me thinking it was rubbish, until I realised I’d spent a whole day feeling better, and then a whole week, and then a whole month. So actually, this positive thinking idea is now real not fake.
This strategy has proved to be useful in the rest of my life, outside of depression and anxiety. Many of you know I had a miscarriage earlier this year. If I’d experienced that before PND I would have dwelled on the negative for much, much longer. But because I now have the skills to use my thoughts to change how I feel I’ve been able to feel more positive more quickly than I would have otherwise. Believe me, I’m not saying I’m not sad, bitter, angry and scared about it – I am, very much. But I now have the tools to try to counter those emotions with hope and gratitude. With a lot of practice.
So can positivity cure depression? No, not alone. Recovery from anxiety and depression requires many factors from medication & therapy to support & selfcare. But changing your mental attitude can play a huge part in facing your fears or pulling yourself out of the depths. Perhaps a different question is more useful; can negativity prolong and worsen depression? In my opinion, 100% yes.
For more tips on staying positive when you’re suffering from Anxiety or Depression check out this video.
18 comments on “Can Positivity Cure Depression?”
This is an incredible post. So honestly and beautifully written. I’ve just sent this to my husband. He suffers with anxiety and I think he can still relate to your “don’t dwell, just do” attitude. He adopts this when he is feeling particularly low.
Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst
Thank you so much, I hope he finds it useful xx
Well, sweets, once again, you blow me away. I know my daughter would fully agree with you, and she is a brand new person with hope for the future and a positive outlook every day since her epiphany. I’m so happy for you and grateful for your strength. Much love to you. XOXO
You write so beautifully and honestly about what can be such a devastating condition, and I think you are so right! I understand that therapy is training your mind to see things in a different way, and I totally agree that while negative thinking doesn’t cause depression, I certainly believe that positive thinking can help a person to get through the condition that little bit easier and help them get through the “fog”. I’m so pleased to hear that it is helping for you lovely xx #bestandworst
Rhyming with Wine recently posted…A Picnic in the Park
Oh, just give the the meds! I knew logically that life was not dark. But before my lovely fluoxetine everything was grim. About 10 days, fortnight of taking them, I could see life in colour again, appreciate the blue sky. Horses for courses I think. If anyone had told me to think my way out of it I would have told them where to go.
Who knows if it was the family black dog, or was the first signs of MS. Impossible to say. But for me, just give me the meds.
Oh believe me, I hear you. I took meds too. I believe it was a bit of everything that helped me though. Thanks for reading 🙂
What a fab post, Ii do think that aiming to be a bit more positive can make a huge difference in your life 🙂 Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
helen gandy recently posted…Best and Worst Linky #64
I am sort of on the fence on this one. Once upon a time, before my depression and anxiety took hold I was a glass half full person, and to a certain extent that is still my default position.
I wake every morning with the attitude ‘today is a new day’ and I try each day to be as positive and active and happy as I can. On a good day I am happy, positive and active but the fears and negative thoughts are never far away and they are not something I can simply turn off when they appear. I try so very hard to ignore them, contradict them but the thoughts can be relentless.
So yes I think it is possible to make yourself worse by purposly dwelling on how bad it is, I dont think everyone can think themselves better.
I am however pleased that this has worked for you and you are right to encourage people to be as positive as their individual conditions and situations allow xx (sorry for the essay reply) #bestandworst
Tracey Abrahams recently posted…What’s In A Name?
This is a fantastic post. I wholeheartedly agree with your view on it all. In my last job I was bullied terribly by a maniac of a boss, so much so I would sit in the bathroom at night sobbing because I couldn’t sleep because I was so terrified of going to work the next day, yet i still went. When I realised what was happening to me, I immediately started applying for new jobs and thinking, obsessively, that I would be okay as my situation was now temporary. I found a solution 2 weeks later and the depressive episodes, sobbing in the bathroom, insomnia and panic attacks practically stopped overnight. I know for a fact if I hadn’t have been so focused and determined to fix the problem with such a fiery passion, I would have ended up much worse for much longer. thank you for spreading awareness. #SharingtheBlogLove
Claire recently posted…Baked Banana Oatmeal Squares
I’m so glad you found your epiphany. Positive thinking is definitely something that takes time and practice. We cant just all be positive all the time. I wonder why that is? Thanks for a great post #sharingthebloglove
Great post! I’ve suffered with depression on and off for several years now. I keep it mostly in check these days by taking action AS SOON as I start to feel down. I don’t allow myself to think those things. I go out for a walk or I do a hobby or I have a shower. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I fight it with everything I have.
Great advice here and I hope it helps lots of people #sharingthebloglove
Lucy At Home recently posted…Kidloland: Review and Giveaway
A brilliantly written post. I agree that part of the way to recovery is to retrain the mind, this takes time and commitment. I do believe that if you can take each day and find something positive in it, then this rollercoasters into much more. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x
Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…Sharing The Blog Love…#11
Such a well expressed post. I completely understand where you’re coming from – I’m not a naturally positive person, and having suffered from depression in the past, I now know to recognise the warning signs of me slipping back into a negative cycle. I do find that taking a more positive attitude, giving myself a bit of a kick up the bum to be more proactive, more ‘can do’, and just getting out there and trying to enjoy life, does eventually rub off. Not so easy when you’re down in the depths of depression, but it’s a cycle I hope I can stop myself from falling into again. Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove
This is really useful. I’m also noticing how I allow my own thoughts to sabotage me. Positive thinking is a powerful tool.
I absolutely love this! I used to be so negative and drag myself down. I now give myself a day where I can let it all hit me then pull up my socks and try to brave the days in a more positive light.
That’s exactly what I do, really helps. Thanks for reading x
This is a great post about what worked for you. I have endogenous depression which requires medication as well as therapy. For me cognitive behaviour therapy was far more convincing I finally could see maybe a world of colour existed that maybe I could join. Maybe. But it was finally dialectical behavior therapy that I finally had my ‘aha’ moment. Many years along my journey and relearning thoughts & responses of a lifetime. I’m glad you came across something that helped u recover earlier than I, but it has not been from want of working hard on my part. Indeed I faked it til I broke in two and would not recommend it to anyone. It’s great to learn other experiences and congrats on your success. Xx
Thank you for sharing your experiences and the way in which your personal thoughts helped you overcome mental health issues. I thing for everyone it might be a little different and at different times. Thank you for sharing!