Thank you so much to Elizabeth for kicking off the My Mountain series last week, and thanks to all of you for reading and for your lovely, supportive comments.
This week we have Min from Single Mum Speaks to share her unconventional journey to parenthood. I love her story because it just shows how all parents are unique and so are the challenges we face, and that’s a wonderful thing.
The biggest parenting challenge that I have faced was my very first one.
Let’s take it right back to the beginning here. Let’s take it right back to….
Conception.
I know, TOTES INAPPROPES, right?
Well no, actually. See my child was an immaculate conception. No wonder his initials are JC. He wasn’t born in a stable, nor was he visited by wise men bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh (THANK GOD. Who wants myrrh?) but as for his biological father….well, he may as well be the Holy Spirit, for I have never met him.
My son is donor conceived.
For me, the biggest challenge was simply getting the chance to have a child at all.
Many of us face challenges in the course of our parenting journeys (I’m sorry, I just had to use the J word. I know it’s cheesy. I know I sound like a contestant on a reality show auditioning their dog for a part in a musical version of The Wizard of Oz, where they get to play the starring role of Dorothy’s dog. This was a real thing, people. An actual thing).
Anyway, back to the Journey.
Some people find the love of their life, only to find that they cannot conceive; others conceive but cannot carry to term; others face a myriad of challenges once their children are here. I have come to realise that no one has the Happy Ever After so beloved of the classic Disney fairytale.
For me, the challenge was that I never found that great love, the one I wanted to settle down with, to be the father of my hypothetical children. Or maybe he never found me. Maybe we found each other, but we passed like ships in the night. Who knows? I was sick of wondering whether he was out there at all. If I wanted a job, I applied for one, if I wanted to go somewhere, I went. Why did having a baby have to be different? Why did it seem to hang so tenuously on the random hand of fate?
So I made a decision, a decision to cut out the middleman-or rather, to add in quite a few in the form of doctors, nurses and embryologists-and have a baby with donor sperm.
It turns out that choosing a donor is a bit like choosing a Tinder date, but without the sleazy conversation. Swipe right, and you’ll find The One.
Sometimes I look at my son and I wonder about his genetic heritage. Did he get his tendency to throw his toys out of the pram-quite literally-from the donor? Is this a sign of some sort of familial tendency to violence about which I should be alarmed, or is it just a natural part of being a toddler? What about his current obsession with football, and JCBs? Is the donor a mechanical digger-driving footballer, or is this, again, just a typical trait of the average eighteen month old? Why are his eyes such a beautiful shade of hazel-blue, when I barely knew such a colour existed, in my almost exclusively brown-eyed family? And what about his many international siblings-some known, and some unknown. Will they all meet up one day and have some great family reunion on the Equator, or similar neutral location, or will my son shun his genetics and his unusually extended donor family, and see the whole thing as some sort of embarrassment, that’s best left unsaid?
I know that all these challenges are still to come, and I look forward to them with equal amounts of anticipation and anxiety. I can only hope that my son knows how much he was wanted, and how much he is loved.
I also know that I was lucky. I know others who have had long, tortuous journeys to parenthood via this route, encompassing failed IVFs, and plenty of heartache. My Journey was relatively short. You can read more about it on my blog. It was, however, by a long, long way, the best journey I have ever taken.
A challenge that was definitely worth it.
“I am Min, sometime Ancient Egyptian god of fertility and lettuce, and all the time single mother by choice. In 2012 I decided, after having failed in my original Life Plan to “have a baby by the time of the London Olympics,” to take matters into my own hands and have a baby on my own, and in 2014 my son Piglet (not his real name) was born. I work full time and live, at the ripe old age of 35, with my mother, sleeping in the bedroom I last shared with my brother in 1985.”
To read more from Min follow her awesome blog Single Mum Speaks, or find her on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
*If you would like to contribute to the My Mountain series with a piece about your own biggest parenting challenge please email butterflymum83@gmail.com*
Thank you for featuring me! X
Any time x
my brother and sister in law had their twins via egg donation. I honestly am not sure that she fully understands that the babies don’t have a genetic link to her. Its something nobody can figure out how to bring up.
Incredible story, thank you for sharing Min xx #KCACOLS
It’s great, isn’t it? Thanks for commenting 🙂
Well done min, think you are brilliant for making a choice that made you so happy xx #sundaystars
Great post, it’s always interesting to hear other people’s “journey” to parenthood when the traditional method hasn’t quite worked out for them for whatever reason. Parenthood isn’t easy and even more so when you decide to go at it alone, well done for doing that you wanted without waiting for the “right” moment x x x
I agree, so pleased that Single Mum Speaks has shared her story here. Thanks for commenting x
Another brilliant contribution. Bit nervous about mine being amongst such fine company! I really think Min’s story is a brilliant one that should be shared so that others in the same position can feel more confident about a decision that can make them so happy.
#justanotherlinky #KCACOLS
Thanks, lovely, and don’t be silly because your story is wonderful too! xxx
Great post Min! So interesting to hear about something that isn’t really talked about – thank you for sharing this and congratulations on making a brilliant decision.
Thanks for linking up to #SundayStars
Thanks for reading x
Wow what a fantastic guest post and a wonderful, amazing story too 🙂 #sundaystars
Thanks for commenting 🙂 x
What a great story! Thank you for linking up to #justanotherlinky
Thanks for reading 🙂 X
Such an interesting and amazing story! & also Jeremy’s comment above ^^: OMG! That would be awkward to bring up. #KCACOLS
Thanks for reading 🙂 I was so pleased Min wanted to guest post about this topic x
Wow, loved this piece!
Great, isn’t it? Glad you liked it 🙂
Such a great story. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
Thanks for commenting 🙂
This is such an interesting post and insightful post. I have no doubt your son will know how loved and wanted he is by you! xx #KCACOLS
Thanks for commenting and for your kind words for Min x
It’s always great to read more about the person behind the blog. Single Mum Speaks is one of my favourites. Thank you 🙂
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reading 🙂 x
Amazingly lovely story. What a wonderful mum! #KCACOLS
I couldn’t agree more, she’s awesome 🙂 Thanks for commenting x
Fantastic post. I loved reading it and I high five you mumma! Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
It’s great, isn’t it? So glad to have been able to share it for Min. Thanks for commenting x
I love this story. I found it so fascinating. I like reading about how this IVF works. Well done Min!! Such a fantastic journey so far! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x
It’s a fab read, isn’t it? So chuffed to have had Min as a guest blogger x
Thank you for all your lovely comments everyone. Xx
Wow, this is so interesting and inspiring to read! I’m so glad this Mum got her beautiful child in the end and what an incredible journey to set out on alone. Congrats!! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
It’s wonderful to read other people’s journeys to parenthood isn’t it? Thanks for commenting x
Congratulations on completing your journey into parenthood! Welcome to the club. It’s an amazing feeling, although it doesn’t always seem that way. My wife and I tried three unsuccessful rounds of IVF before conceiving naturally. Don’t overthink too many traits and habits concerning his behaviour, this is what boys do.
Thanks for commenting 🙂