It’s 10.15am. Here is a somewhat abridged list of everything my son has demanded of me since 5am:
- 8 toilet trips (including one at 5am, the joy, and twice more while I was in the bath)
- 4 clean pairs of pants (not from accidents just because they were the wrong colour, labels were itching etc)
- Changing from shorts to trousers and back again (because it started raining. And then stopped raining. He was indoors)
- Three types of cereal (and then a fresh bowl because he decided he didn’t want one of them)
- Multiple channel changes
- A desire to jump down the stairs on his bouncy donkey (and then a meltdown when I said no as would lead to certain injury)
- Getting paints out
- Getting Play Doh out
- Countless snacks and drinks
More than any other challenge of motherhood – sleeplessness, tantrums, fussy eating, bad behaviour etc. – it is the constant demands on your time, energy and patience that I really struggle with during this toddler-into-preschooler phase.
The modern world is one that never shuts down. Supermarkets are open around the clock, even on Bank Holidays. Remote working means we’re only ever one email away from our bosses. And all manner of entertainment is available to us at the touch of a button or a click of a mouse. If I want to binge-watch Scandal at 3am I have that luxury with TV-on-demand. But what about being a mummy-on-demand? If you don’t want your boss to contact you you have the choice to turn off your work phone, and even supermarkets shut on Christmas Day, but being at your child’s beck and call is something we never get a rest from.
The worst part is there is nothing you can or indeed should do about it, from what I can see. Caterpillar isn’t being “naughty” when he fusses about switching his shoes or adds yet another item to the bedtime ritual. He is just being a three-year-old – they simply have an awful lot of needs, not just physical but the need for guidance and emotional reassurance too. This is normal behaviour and not something to be punished or discouraged (although if anyone does have any ideas please let me know!). And that’s what’s so tricky; accepting that the moment you sit down with a cup of tea is the moment your child is going to need something else from you can be very hard. I don’t mind admitting that I often find the sheer relentlessness very difficult to cope with emotionally.
The really key realisation is that even when you do have a break and are away from your children, maybe you’re at work or you’re have a well-earned night out, you are never really free as your mummy-brain never switches off. From the moment your child is born you can never be selfish or alone in your thoughts again. You will now always be thinking of your child, wondering how they’re getting on, and every decision you make – big or small – will involve consideration of them. This adjustment was something my anxious brain really fixated on when I was unwell with PND. The sheer enormity that my child would now dominate my thoughts and decisions for the next 20 years, or for life to some extent, frightened me in quite an inexplicable way.
Now that I’m well it’s no longer scary but the constant demands on your body, emotions & mind can still be exhausting and overwhelming. The contradiction is that running alongside this relentless exhaustion is the knowledge that their childhood is so fleeting and that as they grow their need for you will reduce. The fact that my son will not always be waking me in the night for cuddles or demanding snacks the moment I put my feet up is both a simultaneous sadness and relief. It’s this conflict that makes parenting such a unique experience, and one that I’m ultimately so grateful for – demands and all.
I know it’ll be demanding once my son reaches the toddler pre-school stage but like you, I know in the years to come when he gets more independent that I’ll be missing his reliance on me! #bloggerclubuk
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We are finding this now! Our daughter is almost 3 and she is asking for me as we speak!! Can I be the doctor? She constantly wants our attention and it is relentless. With another on the way it is going to be fun. I wouldn’t change it but it is hard work both physically and mentally! Great post and thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
Wow! What a honest piece. I’m not sure whether this puts me off having kids or just prepares me better. I enjoyed reading your post.
Sally @ Life Loving
#BloggerClubUK
I remember when my six year was like this and now not so much. He can do so many thing for himself and actually wants to. My youngest is 15 months and i know it won’t be long before i go through this again. As with most childhood things its bittersweet.
I completely get being a mummy-on-demand. We have a threenager and it’s never ending. Funnily, Mr Button escapes being daddy-on-demand some how… strange that *raises eyebrow at Mr Button. You are right though, even when there is 5 mins peace, my mind is always on her anyway. #BloggerClubUK
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I cut the labels out of pants – it saves a whole lot of drama!! #bestandworst
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I am so with you on this. We are going through the same thing at the same time. I too have a three year old boy and it seems like my days are filled with ‘Mummy Mummy Mummy’ from the minute I wake up to the minute he goes to sleep. Sometimes even when I’m trying to get dressed after a shower he follows me around like a shadow asking for a cuddle, or can I do this or can I do that. As I sit here and write this now, it sounds so cute and adorable – which it is – but at the time I can get so frustrated yet I know I shouldn’t! He needs me and that should never be something to get annoyed with. Arghhh, Mummy guilt alert!! Like I always say. Kids don’t come with a user guide, damn I wish they did sometimes, so I guess we find our own way. But thank you for sharing this, posts like this are always good to read to make you realise that you’re not alone. Tomorrow’s a new day and I’m going to try and look at it with new eyes when it all gets a bit much! 🙂 #BloggerClubUK
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Oh yes, I agree with you. I have two: a nearly 3yo and a 9mo old and it is relentless but at the same time rather poignantly so as no matter how completely drained I am (and I often am) I know this won’t last very long. Lovely post – (and by god we do all need a night off now and again, even if mummy brain is hard to switch off). #stayclassy
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I feel you love it is so demanding I think that is the thing with parenting the tasks are usually so simple, fetch a drink or a snack change a nappy etc but its because it is just so repetitive and demanding at all times! Really well said x
My two year old daughter does this charming thing (no) of asking for something, then repeating and repeating and repeating until you get an answer. I have tried encouraging her to say it once , and then wait for an answer. Now if I say ‘ what do you say’ she says ‘ please and wait’. The no downtime is the real killer of this motherhood malarkey. #stayclassy
Great post, its so hard being constantly on call as i say! it’s just go go go from the minute my little one wakes up, i totally feel ya babe. I always find breaking up the day time routine helps to keep them fresh and on their toes. thanks for sharing and your so right the mummy brain never switches off. #TheList
I can really relate to this – I don’t think I ever get any time ‘off’ apart from when I go to the hairdresser every 8 weeks. I don’t have any help with childcare and my husband works late or away a lot so it is just me and Arthur …. Who still wakes frequently throughout the night. It is so exhausting – and yet so rewarding to see how he develops and makes progress knowing that you’ve helped with that. I think bittersweet, as you say, it a perfect description! #ablogginggoodtime
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My darling daughter cannot talk yet and I find her demands challenging enough as it is so I am dreading when she has the ability to demand things too! I feel for you I do… but soon we’ll be begging them to need us won’t we?
Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime
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That’s a long list considering it was only one morning. I can see how this would become frustrating, but I love how you put a positive spin on it. IT’s true, children don’t demand your attention just to be annoying, they genuinely want/need you to help them with things.
Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
Debbie
It’s hard to be positive sometimes but you gotta try, right? Thanks for reading x
One day it will be me, trying to get my son’s attention, and desperately trying to keep him close to me. While the thought is saddening, it really teaches you a new appreciation for each chapter of life. Kids really are so exhausting, and sometimes you just need to sit down and need, just one second, alone. It’s so important to keep things in perspective though, and this really is a great reminder. Thanks for sharing! <3 #StayClassy
Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment. You’re absolutely right x
Absolutely. This is what I try to tell myself during the rough moments! Thanks for reading x
You sound so positive even though it is a little exasperating at times! well done you!
Oh goodness, it’s relentless and sometimes I just need to stop and look and listen at the wonderful little boys I’ve created. Too often I’m just trying to get through the weekend or evenings, crazy!
Mainy
#bestandworst
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Always the mummy brain, right? Soooo get that; never switches off. Too true. #twinklytuesday
I completely relate to this and I find my 4 yr old the hsrdest of our 2 to cope with sometimes because of the constant demands, he is like a bee buzzing in my ear and I never get a rest unlike with our 1 yr old who at least naps! Thank goodness for preschool is all i can say! Parenting really is all.l consuming though isnt it. Xx #twinklytuesday
Hehe I can relate with my 4yo, but I think I do these things like a robot, I don’t notice as much. Tyler likes me to read him the tube map – yes really! Then other times he lets me nap while he plays on his own 🙂
#twinklytuesday
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So true, we are never really free from being a Mum, were always thinking about the kids and their needs even when we are 10,000 miles away from them and our most trusted family member – Grandma – is looking after them you still have his need to text them and say, “make sure to only put half a bowl or the mashed up peas!” (apologies for the ridiculously long sentence but your post has inspired me : )). Can’t believe your son wants three different kinds of cereal! Lol No wonder he has to use the toliet 8 times before the day starts hahah. Thanks for the laugh & inspiration, love having you at #StayClassy!
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Love this. We are in the preschooler stage and I totally agree with you! Even though I work full time too! One of the biggest worries that I have when I go on maternity leave is how to keep Zach entertained! Great honest post about the realities of parenting! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
That is so often how I feel, and the added layer of technology, 24 hour everything and remote /flexible working prevents use of the traditional get out of “I can’t do that now because…”excuse . Using some “free time” to sit and have a cup of tea when you could be shopping or sorting out your car insurance feels wrong. It shouldn’t be though and it’s okay to feel exhausted with the constant being on the go. increasingly I look back on the days when Small Boy was a baby (he’s now two) and think how easy I had it by comparison!